Child Not Sleeping At Night? Here’s Why…
Sleep… children… put those together and you have a potential powder keg of judgment and disagreements. I guess it comes to no surprise, I mean, who does well with lack of sleep… nobody! When we have little ones, the stress can pile on, making sure they are feed, clean, taken care of, loved. And we get a little touchy when we feel someone is judging our parenting.
Sometimes as a parent we are on duty 24/7 then add the fact that most kids struggle to sleep through the night or even just go to bed! We just need some time to ourselves!!! We need a recharge. It’s hard to parent but sometimes we forget that it is hard to be a kid too.
The sleep struggle
I say a young woman post that her baby girl of only a few weeks was NOT GOING TO WIN,
“You will sleep in your bed, ma’am!”
What a sad remark… Already there was this stigma that children come into world manipulative. Most people are not aware the leaps and bounds we have made in understanding the human brain, from a sleepy newborn to adulthood but there is still more to be discovered. It’s hard to break a thought that has been so prevalent in our society for decades.
The knowledge we receive, gives us power, allows us to thrive as well as our children as we seek to understand the basic building blocks they need.
A change in thinking
Children do not come here with bad intentions. They come with very basic needs and one of the biggest is safety, security that only a parent or guardian can give. Our new born babes look to their mother and father for security, connection, love. Human babies are born in such a way that they are fully dependent on us for survival.
Such a responsibility to take on! Every baby is different as well as family circumstances, etc. but here is the rub…
Babies are not designed to sleep through the night
I am sorry! Please don’t hurt me! 😉
Their biological design is such that they are supposed to wake up multiple times a night… yes, I wrote multiple! Their bodies aren’t ready for deep sleep, it’s dangerous for them. Even toddlers have the biological design of waking up in the night to make sure they aren’t alone.
To isolate a little one and let them cry is quite taxing on their system and heightens their stress level. What they learn at this very early stage of their development will help shape how they handle the future: stressors, certain situations, social settings, and conflicts.
They don’t understand that you are in the next room; their brains haven’t reached that developmental stage yet and this is not something that can be taught.
What they do know is that they are alone, in the dark, and no one is coming to their aid.
Even at this age their body and mind start to adapt and start receiving messages and if we fail to be there we are sending a message that we, as parents, might not intend for them to receive and internalize.
Some believe that you must teach little ones to self sooth, to be independent if you don’t have a firm hand in teaching these, you will have a clingy child.
These skills are not and can not be taught. They are developmental, and they come naturally when they have a secure relationship with their caregivers.
Once they feel safe, knowing you will always be there for them that are when you will see children comfortable enough to learn how to do things themselves.
As children feel secure they will have the confidence to take risks or to know that going to bed doesn’t have to be a scary experience.
The worst mistake any and every parent makes is to compare our children with others. It’s hard; we want to know how our little one is doing, if they are keeping up. We want reassurance that we are doing something right as parents. Don’t let what other parents are doing with their kids dictate what you do with your children.
Every little one, just like every adult, is on his or her own journey. Therefore, they will learn to use the toilet at different times, read, and sleep throughout the night, all at different times. Each stage or “achievement” is dependent on that specific child’s needs and personality.
It doesn’t mean your child is “slow” or that your child is better than everyone else’s. Just at a different stage.
Don’t follow the mainstream just because everyone is doing it.
Be attentive to your child, see your child for who they are not what you want them to be. Or what society tells you they should be. Trust your child.
Children are developing in more ways than we can see; emotional, mentally, physically. It is short sighted of us to compare when children are developing in different areas at any given time.
It will be okay.
Be confident in your child’s abilities. Of course, parents are close enough to clue in if their child is struggling beyond the “typical” trust your gut and your child. Let the comparing game get tossed to the wind. The important thing is the connection between you and your child.
THAT will be the biggest indicator of success.
Personal story
I co-sleep.
I have good friends all over the spectrum; some have their babies in the other room, others have their little ones in their room but in a crib, and then others co-sleep.
Each family situation is different.
You will never hear me say or write that you are a bad parent for doing it differently than I do. That would be stupid and ignorant and frankly irritatingly short-sighted.
Challenge the status quo
Those babies came to you because there is something special about you that your child needs.
All I hope to do is to share knowledge of how childhood development works, so we can challenge the age old thoughts that may not best. As well as share my experiences but that is only what they are: MY experiences.
No one else has experienced life as a whole like I have. The same is true that I have not experienced life as you have.
I hope we can share information and also share that you are loved for where you are now. We are all trying to be better, therefore, we just have to keep going.
The most dangerous statement any one of us can make is “this is how we have ALWAYS done it.”
[mailerlite_form form_id=2]Related Post(s): How to get your child to bed early, Importance of Reading For Families
Any thoughts? I would love to hear from you, drop me a comment or message!
Resources
Bonnie Davis. (2017, January 03). The Myth of Self Soothing. Retrieved from http://www.familycontinuum.com/blog/the-mth-of-self-soothing
Is Self Soothing the Biggest Con of New Parenthood? (2019, January 30). Retrieved from https://raisedgood.com/self-soothing-biggest-con-new-parenthood/
Self Settling – What Really Happens When You Teach a Baby to Self Soothe to Sleep. (2019, April 04). Retrieved from https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/
